Friday, 1 April 2011

Making friends for Dummies!

This is Mr R's second week back at work and since the weathers been pretty bad we've been in the house a lot. It's just dawned on me that we really have no friends locally :(

When Wee Dude was born I made a huge effort to make mummy friends, determined not to be stuck at home alone with a baby. I had a good bunch of friends but now, a couple of house moves and nearly 5 years on I'm stuck at home alone with 2 pre-schoolers! Argh what a nightmare!

This week I've been pondering making friends and friendship in general - it's a funny old business.

It's easy in primary school coz you're there with the other kids all the time in the same class. In high school I found I made more friends with the people I was in class with. But the friends I had who ended up in different classes on different timetables drifted away, or I drifted away from them. That pattern has continued for me throughout life. When I'm in close regular contact with someone I find it easy to be friends, but if I move area or change college or workplace it becomes quite difficult.

There's one particular friend I made as a teenager, we were flatmates for a while and got on really well. I've known her now for about 14 years but over the years as I moved away to a new job and moved to a new town with my husband and started a family we really drifted apart. We tried to catch up now and then but it seemed our lives were on such different paths. Every year we'd send a christmas card promising to meet up and we never did. Now that I'm back in Glasgow we've met up once and both really want to be proper friends again. I've text her a couple of times but she hasn't got back to me. The other day I was going to message her on facebook to check I had the right number then I thought 'What am I thinking? Why don't I just do the old fashioned thing and CALL HER?!' I mean for gods sake is it that hard? But I'm actually nervous. What will I say? What if we have nothing to say? If I don't do it will she do it or will another year go by?

It's the same with the mummy friends I made. Now I'm far away we don't text or call. I've been to visit them once and one of them has been to visit me and I've had barely any contact otherwise.If I had a car I'd be over there much more to visit but it's a real trek on public transport. They all have cars so even though I know I should make more effort, I feel they should too. Maybe I should take the hint and let them drift away.

Am I a bad friend?

I have to make the effort with the friends I still have even though they're not close by. I need to make some new local friends. I thought it'd be easy to make friends with the mums at nursery but I'm not kidding none of them speak to each other when we wait for the nursery doors to open. I mean there is no chat what-so-ever! It's weird. I keep trying to get eye contact with them as we pass each other on the way in and out of nursery but they don't even look at me so how do I say 'hi' or start a conversation? I've been on netmums to find out about their meet ups and got in touch with some other mums with kids my age. Hopefully something will come of it. I need some friends who are ready to start socialising on weekends again!

Oh, to be back at school when life was so much simpler........

6 comments:

  1. Hiya love your blog tite btw!
    I'm over from the BNB comment ring - I can totally understand your position here as I too have struggled with the whole "friend" issue!
    Love Evey @ Polythene Pram
    http://polythenepram.blogspot.com

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  2. Yes as they say good friends are hard to find, I seem to chat to anyone really but there is nothing worse that when Mum's don't speak, some people like to be just in there own little world.

    Far better to have fewer really good friends though rather than what I would call lots of loose friends :)

    Love Ali @ over a cuppa

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  3. Hi. Love reading your blog.I've nominated your blog for a Leibster award so pop over to mine and see what to do.:)

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  4. Pick up the phone and call them. I think sometimes life just passes by when you have kids. People get caught but with the day to day tasks. Bet they'd be delighted to hear from you:)

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  5. Hi, if you phone them at least you have done your bit rather than letting the opportunity pass you by. If nothing more comes of it at least you tried. Found you via Mammy Dolittle and will definitely be following, have enjoyed catching up on some of your posts. If you get a chance pop over to mine muminmeltdown.blogspot.com

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  6. Hey, popped over from BMB comment ring. Your blog is cool. I'm the same really, well, more that my friends have all gone to uni and left me here with a baby!! We do try to catch up now and again, but they don't really understand why i can't get a babysitter at the drop of a hat! xx

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Let me know what you think coz it cheers me right up to read your comments :)